Moment by moment!!

 As I sit here writing this I can hear Joe, Ellie and Andy playing outside, both Joe and Ellie in their Ipswich football strips!!
It seems such a long time since I wrote a blog, the last one being at the beginning of the year, with all hope that a New Year may bring.
Has it lived up to my expectations? To be honest I don't know how to respond to that!!! There have been really tough times and it has been a learning curve!!! You do truly find out who your friends are, and they walk the journey with you. Those friends who take you as you are and don't judge you or tell you how you should be doing it! Each situation is unique as we are all individuals and so handle things differently!
My dad has deteriorated and now doesn't really recognise us, for him what quality of life is it? In a time of clarity he asked me how heaven would be, and how could he get there? Could I take him, how I wish that was possible in a way, as he is so lost. For us it is a living grief, seeing the dad who was once your protector, now like this.
So today its a moment by moment day, enjoying Joe and Ellie, helping, talking, playing football, making cakes, watching the fun run, and being encouraged .
My family far and wide thats you Charly!!!!!! we are there for one another, and we go the extra mile!!
We are soon to welcome a new addtion to our extended family, and how special it has and is to have Katy and Iona  with us. Certainly special times. 

Life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yesterday I said to everyone, we have a plate for this year can you think of a word ? Joe had thinking time as he calls it, not as long as Andy and I had and came up with the word PEACE, something I think we all crave for in the busyness of life . I didn't come up with mine until today, as I was travelling back on the train, FAITHFUL, I suppose it isn't just for this new year coming but also for the year that has passed. So what does faithful mean?
Loyal, true, committed, constant, attached, devoted, dedicated, reliable, staunch, truthful, dependable, trusty, steadfast, unwavering, immovable, unswerving!


Andy choose TEAMWORK which ties in with faithful.With teamwork so many more things are possible working together,supporting, and caring anything is possible! And Ellie when we talked it through KITTEN was her word so how could I not put this on. Maybe she likes cats and kittens so much as when she was three months old Joe drew whiskers on her face with felt tips!!!because he said she wanted to be a cat!!!
This year like many people we have had a roller coaster ride, with lots of highs, special times together with family and friends, seeing and cuddling Bethany Grace,making memories together, seeing our little miracle boy grow up and go into year 2 signifying his last year in Infant school, to watching and sharing in the enjoyment of the great British Bake off and MasterChef, even Andy now knows how to make a Beef Wellington without the pastry going soggy!!!to seeing him receive his football trophy. Seeing Ellie go from strength to strength,excited about the world around her and also showing some of her mummy's determined spirit, to having those special cuddles in the morning when she has just woken up! We are so grateful. There have been the down times but in the midst of the darkness there has always been light and there are always positives if you look for them.
"I'm grateful for the air I breathe,
I'm so thankful for this life I live,
For the mercies that You pour on me,
And the blessings that meet every need.
And the grace that is changing me

Through all that I have known,
I have been held in the shelter of Your hand;
And as my life unfolds,
You are revealing the wisdom
Of Your sovereign plan.
There are no shadows in Your faithfulness,
There are no limits to Your love." by Stuart Townend

Seeing my Dad become resident in a care home was and is hard, but its a walk that I don't do alone, so many people have and are affected by Alzheimers.
Hopefully this year my sister and I will be running for Alzheimers with our children and Katy will be here to give birth to her second child exciting times, so don't think she will be running with us but maybe Iona?!

So remember this year, life is a journey not a destination,don't let yesterday use up too much of today and life's best present is the gift of love! Live it for today!

Grateful

Today

The last blog I wrote was on my birthday back in February, 9 months ago, so why write now?


This picture was taken a year ago just after my Dad's Birthday, here he was celebrating with us Ellie's, special times and such special memories.


Today we celebrated Dad's Birthday, Dad was with us for 10 minutes at the most, he was there in body but not in spirit and had to go back to his home, he didn't really know where he was, or really who we were. He didn't acknowledge the cards his Grandchildren had made and written, he was in his own world, and nobody could or can get into it. This is not the dad I remember, but sometimes all your can remember is Dad with Alzheimers, and not the Dad he was before. I can remember mum clearing out his desk, and in it was his diary, he had written about me when I was going through a really tough time, how he had driven round to check I was alright and now here he is desperate to be with his mum and we keep on telling him she is away on holiday, as telling him she has died he relives his grief each time. To see your children taking their Grandad's hand and walking with him, around the room at his home and pretending with him that its the North York Moors is soul destroying. Recently in the summer, I went to see him with my mum, Joe and Ellie were away,he asked me how he could get to heaven, and whether I could take him, that we could go together. I love him so much and wish I could! So make each moment count!

Moment by moment!

Today has been a special day filled with fun, laughter, happiness but also tears!

I had the treat of having breakfast in bed, lovingly prepared by my 6 year old son Joe, with Daddy supervising, good job really as wooden skewers were involved! Both Joe and Ellie my 2 year old daughter came running in with their cards and singing happy Birthday!! Ellie got in bed with me and wanted to give me squeezes!! Big squeeze, little squeeze!Memories of my Dad came flooding back!

This picture was taken today. Ellie and I went to see him with my mum. He is in hospital at the moment due to his Alzheimer's. I will treasure this picture, there is a sparkle in his eyes and he knew who we were. While we were there, his agitation increased, and it was sad to see him not coping with Ellie, and being verbally abusive. This is not my Dad, but this dreaded disease!Tears were shed.

Arriving home Andy and Joe had decorated the house and had made lunch. We spent a lovely time opening presents and being together, moment by moment drinking in this time, special times and special memories.

The table bombs were taken outside!!!!

Life!!!

This is our plate for the new year ahead. We have each chosen a word we wanted to put on the plate, mine is PERSEVERANCE, to keep on keeping on!! To carry on whatever set of circumstances comes up, and for me to be joyful. That nicely fits in with Ellie's word JOY, which she is and gives to us all! Our own little miracle!Joe wanted GRATEFUL, which he is for all things. He told me the most important thing to him is his Mummy and Daddy. Andy chose STRENGTH,not just the physical but mental aswell. I suppose as a lot of you would say about your own year, we have had an interesting one, I hold to my belief a day at a time, and we have had fun and laughter! Watching Joe play football Saturday mornings has become a regular family event, with Ellie trying to get a football to play with, and then coming home for a bacon butty and a hot bath, to snuggles with Ellie in bed, to seeing Joe in his Christmas Nativity as an alien, don't ask, to cooking Sunday lunches together, to only see Ellie wing it across the table, to sharing midnight feasts, to hot choccy's in bed, or to Joe coming into chat while I'm in the bath, to spending time with family and friends, to spending time away with Andy, all special in their own way!

The year ahead, what does hold for each of us, we don't know. It was brought home to me recently, as I have mentioned to savour each and every moment! My Dad came to visit, he has Alzheimer's and has recently deteriorated rapidly it seems. For me it was the first time he didn't recognise who I was, and thought I was his sister. He seemed sad, and said he was. We were able to talk, hug and cry. My mum is his carer and amazing, eventhough she would say she isn't!
So I am grateful, for Andy, Joe, Ellie, my family and amazing friends, and my life, and to God!
So as we go forward into the New year, don't put things off,say I love you to those special people that we love,not just once,take that time to smile and hug and hold your loved ones close! Take the time to say I'm sorry, please forgive me, thank you and it's okay.

To me the secret of hapiness is freedom and the secret of freedom courage! I hope you have a happy, peaceful, and hopeful New Year!!!

Special memories!

This picture was taken by my 5 year old son, really impressed with it!after our midnight feast which was held at about 7ish,couldn't stay up till 12!!!! We had fun, sitting on our bed eating crisps, chocolates, Ellie was keen to hold onto them, and popcorn to, it was a special few moments! We had fun and laughter, all lying on the bed together and chatting, Ellie giggling at what Joe was doing!

Over Advent we have been doing our advent envelopes, inspired by my sister Wendy a couple of years ago. I got organised for it, and wrote a list of what we were doing for each day, but somehow a long the way, I misplaced it, so it is a surprise for us each morning when Joe opens it!!

So for Joe, its a way of counting down till Christmas day, he keeps saying how many days it is to go. I have enjoyed spending time, doing fun things, I suppose we have been preparing for Christmas, which Advent is all about preparation! Suppose it got me thinking, what things I am preparing for? How do I go about it? Is it with trepidation, stress, fearing even?Maybe what I need to do more is live in the moment, and enjoy the times I have, and make those special memories, you don't need much to make a special memory!! So as we awake on Christmas wherever we are, and whoever we are with, make each moment count! We hope to be in Ipswich with Andy's parents, my parents will be with my two sisters and their families, making special memories!! Go out and do it!